Today I did something that I thought I had left behind when I graduated from high school and moved into a world free of choir and musical theatre (I do miss it though). I sang in front of people all by myself. I've done this before, and I don't sing badly. And yet, I still carry this fear that I'm going to do horribly and be judged. This is even though logic tells me otherwise - first, I sing well and second, even if I butchered a song my friends wouldn't judge me. So I decided to go ahead and try out the singing part in our Rock Band awesome adventure. I ended up singing about 10-15 songs and got complimented on my singing as well. I'm really proud of myself, but the fear still isn't gone. Fear is a strange thing. I think this is one that I'm really going to have to work at. I'm going to have to get over this fear sooner or later, so why not work on it now.

Dawn

I watched the sun rise this morning while reading The Fellowship of the Ring for my book club. Right as the sun was starting to light the sky, I was at the part in The Prancing Pony when Strider has just opened the curtains to allow the very early morning light come in. I stopped and opened my blinds after I read that. It was a nice moment of connecting with a book I waited far too long to read in full.

Goals

I don't typically make resolutions for the new year. I've learned that if I'm not ready to commit to something and I try to do it anyway, I'll fail. There are times when God has pushed me to do something, and I just have to do it right away. Those times are completely random and those are the times I succeed.

My current projects:

Nutrition: 30 days without any meat. I have been thinking and praying about this for quite some time due to a suspicion that the preservatives in meats are exacerbating my migraines. On Dec 18, I was ready to make a change and see how my body reacts. I have done exceptionally well with this so far, not including yesterday when I had to eat meat in order to eat dinner at all (business trip and the restaurant had nothing meat free). I ended up having a little seafood but I tried to eat more of the pasta and vegetables than the scallops. I have also been dealing with my migraines sufficiently better that I might consider continuing with this beyond 30 days.

Exercise: Walk for 20+ minutes every day. This may turn into jogging or running, but I'm working on something more attainable to my head. Walking is easy. Getting outside to do it every day is the challenge. I don't care if I just walk around the mall or whatever, but I need to spend more time doing stuff. Running the stairs at the hospital (client site) from the basement to the 4th floor proved that. In hotels, I might swap out walking for doing laps in the pool, and when it gets warm I might switch up with other activities. For now, walking it is.

Quiet Time: Reading through the Bible front to back. I've been taking my time with this and I'm trying to create a habit of reading every day. I do skip around every once in a while if God tells me to read something specific at any given time, but I get back to where I left off after that. I'm currently about halfway through Nehemiah. My sub-goal is to get to a point where I'm reading every day. It's something I keep halfheartedly attempting to do, and I need to focus. While I have my mind in the right direction I need to get better with reading His Word and to start memorizing.

These are my focus areas for right now. The only one that I'm starting today is the walking one. The others I've been slowly progressing with over time.